By Jena Kirkpatrick
Jason Edwards grew up in the small town of Graham in West Texas where being gay was not accepted. Pegged as the class ‘gay boy,’ he was bullied relentlessly. His dad tried to spark his interest in sports and Edwards recalled being out on the field spinning around like Wonder Woman. “I was always different,” he said. On June 7, 2000, Edwards’ sister, Bella, was killed in an automobile accident. “It was like a part of me had been cut off—and I was just bleeding,” he said.
Edwards and Bella were queer siblings. They had an inseparable relationship, supporting each other throughout their lives. “I knew if she was a part of my life, I would always be OK. And then, I was not. I was not OK at all,” he shared. Edwards described the physical feeling of his sister’s loss as if his life source had been pulled out of his chest and replaced with an uncontrollable shake. He stopped writing for years, stopped calling his friends and became a recluse. Eventually, he ended up moving to start his life over because he could not handle the memories.
“There was no help for me,” said Edwards. He found his anger and sadness to be something unlike anything he had ever experienced in his life. The Psychological Bulletin reported in November of 2011, “Experiencing the death of a loved one during childhood or adolescence has long term effects on biopsychosocial pathways affecting health.” Navigating this loss was compounded by his schizophrenia. Edwards said he is not ashamed of his condition, but when a schizophrenic experiences a trauma, they need extra help. “It is ridiculous, it is awful. Public healthcare is a joke—you sometimes wait eight hours to see a doctor for fifteen minutes,” he said.
Edwards believes it is a human right to have grief counseling and healthcare. He continues to deal with complex trauma, experiencing a heart attack and multiple heart issues in the last few years. The Journal of the American Medical Association noted, “Sibling death in childhood is associated with a seventy-one percent increased all-cause mortality risk among bereaved persons.”
Edwards now lives in Austin, Texas, with his husband Matt. In June of 2015, same sex marriage was declared legal in all fifty states. They were engaged that month and married in August of 2016. “We felt that we deserved the same right to be legally married as anyone else did,” said Edwards. This Pride Month has been about spotlighting our queer brothers and sisters and continuing to highlight the societal shifts occurring in our country.
However, on June 22, 2022, the Texas GOP adopted an anti-LGBTQ platform declaring that being gay was ‘abnormal’, which opposes all efforts to validate transgender identity. This year, Texas lawmakers passed bills banning puberty blockers and hormone therapy for transgender kids and restricting the college sports teams that trans athletes can join. Edwards remains optimistic. “When I am at work, I see parents come in with t-shirts that say, ‘Protect Trans Kids.’ The world is changing, and I think we are winning. It is just an uphill battle.” The fight for bereavement care is an uphill battle as well. Being bereaved with no care only compounds the pain of marginalization.
And there are still so many people who do not understand what it is like to be marginalized. If we all woke up tomorrow and the world was different, men were supposed to be with men and women with women, maybe then people would understand how alienating it feels being the minority. Then people might understand how natural it feels to be with the one you love. Oscar-nominated actor Elliot Page said, “This world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another.”
Edwards remains optimistic and hopeful that our future has no prejudices, a world where understanding and acceptance replaces hate. He tries to fill his days with beauty, love, friends, art, poetry, music, and good food. “We are all rushing towards death. We just need connection,” he said. “What would happen if we all put our differences aside? We could make real change. If we take the time, we can find something in common with everyone.”